During this pregnancy I told myself that I would try and breast feed much longer than I did with Max (3 months). In the hospital she was such a good "latcher" and she ate so good. By the end of the day I could feel me getting sore and I knew what was ahead of me. The Leche people always say if it hurts or you are in pain you are not doing it right. Well, I don't believe that. No matter if you do it right or not, it is still going to hurt. Molly decided to be a "super sucker" and tear me apart. By day 4 my girlie twins were cracked and bleeding. Skin was actually coming off and when I pumped at night, I would pump blood into the bottle. I finally went to a breastfeeding class cause I figured they could offer me tips on how to recover. No tips. I had been doing it all right I just had to keep breastfeeding cause that is what is most important. So I kept on for a couple more days. Still no relief and crying because it hurt so bad. Clinching my teeth in agony. Then one night I noticed one of the twins was very tender and hurt to the slightest touch. I woke up that night with the chills and felt like I had the flu. Yep, I got mastitis in my left twin. I had to call the doctor and start antiobotics. I finally had had enough. With Max on my side crying and Molly on my boob and the house turned upside down and I still had not had my morning Diet Mountain Dew, I said THAT IS IT!!! I can't do this. I am not going to stress myself out to the point I go crazy. So what if I am not the best Mom. So what if I don't breast feed my child until they are a year old. SO WHAT!!! I am an OK mom and I take care of my children. If I can't be sane, then I can't be a good mom anyway.
The nurse told me to put a sports bra on and do not touch my twins at all. So I stopped nursing. I went 5 days and on day 5 (yesterday) I had the breakdown. I threw a blanket over my head and started crying. Molly was screaming and I did this to her. The formula made her constipated and gassy and now she is uncomfortable. I made her uncomfortable so I could be in less pain. I wanted a take back. I felt like the worst mom ever! I told Jim that I was going to start pumping and get my milk back. I knew it wouldn't take long because I still felt it come in. I was panicing and didn't know what to do. I had already gone 5 days of trying to dry up my milk. If I started nursing again it would be for nothing. I knew I would hate every second of breastfeeding and I would be in so much pain I would be absolute crazy. Jim said I should do what my motherly intuition said to do. All mom's intuition is to breast feed so that didn't work. I had my shirt up and I was ready. But I didn't. Molly ended up pooping and she has been an angel all day today. AND so have I.
So here is my conclusion. I give mad props to all those who breastfeed their babies. Everyone knows it is what is best for your babies. BUT, I take care of 2 babies and I change their diapers and I love them and give them huggies and kisses and make sure they eat and give them baths so they are clean. I do the best I can. Even if it puts me as the 2nd greatest Mom, I am okay with that. So I'm sorry to all the breastfeeding Nazi's out there that think I am a bad mom. I think Molly and I will be just OK. (except when the formula causes her to contract ocular herpes). hahaha
Oh, and it was my birthday on the 11th. We went to Red Robin. Real fun.