Saturday, October 16, 2010

Jimbo's Got Fears Too

Fear #1: FREEWAY MATTRESSES, a motorcyclist's worst nightmare.

Fear #2: Becoming the type of old person that I talk to every day. You know the type; they have nothing to do but worry. They become very worried when they don't understand something, and at the same time they  don't understand anything. So every waking moment they're in a constant state of worry. I've talked to people who couldn't sleep the night before because they got something completely innocuous in the mail that they didn't understand. Or the type that calls their paperboy at 6 in the morning if the newspaper hasn't been delivered yet because it throws them off of their daily routine. Or the type that take 12 different over-the counter medicines, mostly just to counter each other's side effects. I sometimes wonder if they know what they were trying to treat in the first place. What misery.

Fear #3: Max and Molly becoming teenagers. If I want to kick the crap out of myself as a 13 year old, how will I react to my kids? Seriously, I don't know how my parents didn't call Montel Williams to sign me up for one of his boot-camp shows. I definitely deserved it. I fear teenage karma.

Fear #4: Germs. I like to wash my hands. A lot. Shalene makes fun of me. 'Nuff said.

Fear #5: That all these pretentious "nutrition experts" are right when they say diet soda is bad for you. I still say they're full of crap. But I guess we'll know in a few years if I weigh 300 lbs and have 8 different forms of cancer. COKE ZERO, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

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