Tuesday, February 1, 2011

A failure as a Mother.

Yep, I've decided that this is true.  I have totally failed as a mother.  For the past 8 months I have been stressed out with Max's sleeping habits.  We've tried every method out there.  I'm not sure all of you realize how many sleeping methods there are, but holy crap, there are a ton.  As a mom, I should have realized that you have to "teach" your child to go to sleep on their own.  Max always slept through the night when he was a baby so I didn't think of it.  I thought you rocked your baby to sleep.  I thought that is just what you do.  We had him screaming it out for 3 months when he was 10 months old.  We tried staying in the room with him at night.  We've tried everything.  I can NOT get my child to go to sleep.  His naps are not nearly as bad as night time.  If we can finally get him to sleep, he will usually wake up once or twice a night screaming like we just saw'd off his leg.  It takes a good 30 minutes to get him to go back to sleep.  I finally took him to the doctor and he said it might be night terrors.  Well then he realized he had an ear infection so he thought it was that.  Well, the good news is his ear infection is gone.  Bad news is he still is waking up and will NOT got to sleep.  We figured since he wont go to sleep anyway to transition into a toddler bed.  The first 3 nights were really good.  Last night was the worst.  He woke up every hour crying.  Not because he fell out of bed, but just because.  

I thought I would also mention, Max does not have a "lovely" as they say it.  He doesn't take a binky, doesn't have a blankie, he doesn't have anything to comfort him.  

Right now I put him down for a nap and in no way does he want to sleep.  He should be so tired from last night's marathon.  I don't know if I should put him back into his crib or if I should just continue to work at this.  I don't know how to get him to go to sleep on his own and stay asleep.  Everyone tells me to just let him cry it out.  Well, we do and he never goes to sleep.  He will poop his pants because he screams so hard so it turns into a 4 hour ordeal.  Eventually after hours of this we will just go get him and he will fall asleep on us.  I'm giving up because I don't know what else to do.  I don't have all night to listen to my child scream his head off.  I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning.  If it only took an hour then maybe, but my child is way too stubborn...

Heavenly Father must have known that I would be going through this because he gave me Molly who sleeps like a champ.  She can put herself to sleep and she has slept all night since she was about 3 weeks old.  Still, Max is going to be 18 months on the 18th and he acts like a newborn sometimes.  I just wish there was someone else out there that has a kid like this.  Am I really the only one?  Any help or suggestions would be great.

I just went in to check on Max and he was sound asleep on his bed.....and it only took him an hour and a half....


Brenden+Nikki said...

Shalene you better stop that talk! You have not failed as a mother! The problem is that it gets harder to sleep train when babies get older, but that has nothing to do with your success or failure. You are a great mother.

It is hard to let kids cry it out....especially at Max's age because he KNOWS you will come. They are so socially aware. If it makes you feel any better I have friends that have a daughter and they did the same thing (rocker her to sleep at night) and this little one would throw such a fit that she would make herself throw up. I don't know how they did it, but they still didn't go in there when she did that (until she fell asleep and then they'd go in there and clean up around her while she slept). It did eventually work though. Totally understand if you don't want to go that route.

I know you said you've tried every method but just in case - did you eve read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"? I love that book and he totally helps you know where to start when you already have a kid that is older and has bad sleep habits. Believe it or not, the more tired Max is the worse he'll sleep. I see that in Collin if we get off routine for any reason (sickness, travel, etc). It's all about putting them to bed earlier to get them to sleep later (it's so so true, you'd think it would be the opposite but it's not).

Anyway, don't be discouraged - you just happen to have to start sleep training at the hardest age. Don't give up! You'll find something that works. It will take patience for sure, but just remember the longer you let him fall asleep on you the longer the process will be drawn out. (People will probably disagree with me b/c this is always a sensitive topic but oh well). You just have to put your foot down and keep it down. Don't waver. And when it gets hard and you want to cave just remember that the BEST thing Max needs is good rest and you're helping him learn how to achieve that.

Love you. Seriously, stop saying you're a bad mom.

Brenden+Nikki said...

P.S. I laughed at that comment you left on my blog. You know full well that since it seems like Collin is a good sleeper it is probably because this next one will be horrible! ;)

Tiffany said...

I totally feel your pain, we are dealing with almost the same thing. Since we moved Nixon has been sleeping terrible! He falls asleep but every 15 secs or so he opens his eyes to see if we are still in the room and if we aren't he screams and gets out of his bed. We moved him into the toddler bed and what we finally had to do was stand at the door and everytime he got out of his bed we would tell him to get back in.. he had to the count of 3 and if he didn't he got a lil spankin and placed back in his bed. I don't know if you are anti spanking but he has slept through the night the last few days and it seems to be working.

Before we moved when he was in his crib we both slept with ear plugs in for a few days because I couldn't take the screaming or sleep. It only took four or five days until he learned to put himself to sleep.

I just saw the quote on someones blog and thought it was good

"keep on beginning and failing. each time you fail, start over again, and you will grow stronger until you have accomplished a purpose...not the one you began with perhaps, but one you'll be glad to remember."

Good luck and hopefully he learns quick!!

Bonnie and Kirk said...

Dude, after four kids and one on the way...just ride it out...do what you got to do to survive...it definitely gets better...he's only 18 months...he'll figure it out...don't stress...say your prayers...do what is right...and go with the flow...when he gets older he will sleep and you won't even be thinking about this craziness that you are going through...as they say, "don't sweat the small stuff"...Max is healthy, sane, and perfect...he's just a little kid and they don't really understand their bodies yet...two years from now, Max will be sleeping, but then he'll be driving you crazy because he doesn't want to pick up his toys and now he can talk!! Oooh, the things they say to drive you up the wall...don't sweat it Sha, go with what Max gives you...he'll be OK...you might not be, but that's the life of a parent...welcome to our club. It's God's medicine to cure us of our selfish disease. Yeah baby NO!!